Social Media - my time away and a few other tidbits

20:25

As I sit here trying to create some of my brilliance, I run on sarcasm so stop, I reflect on my ….what, coming up on almost 30 days of being off social media. Jesus Christ, I never knew how much time I wasted and what I kind of person I turned into by trying to engage in every music event, composer group, notation group, liking so many pages and comments, and trying to network (which I came to realize was over the top people pleasing), or my favorite “secret group.”

Come to think of it, I don’t regret one second I spent in my “secret group.” This group helped me and guided me more than I can tell. That’s why it’s secret. I made some honest relationships both professional and social. This is a place where I can be myself and enjoy my time spent on social media without having to watch every single goddamn thing I say for fear of being canceled for having an opinion. True friends. But….this is not what I wanted to share….I digress.

I am writing to clear my head because I know I am headed back on social media in the very near future. Let’s face it, this is where the action is. I can promote, share music, listen to new music, find colleagues and work….if I stay out of my own way. There’s just too much going on online in my composer community. I hav to be mindful of my behavior and hurting my family with all the time spent online people pleasing and flat-out “ballwashing.” Being a phony…not authentic…only showing how great everything is…you know, the big ballwashing. You know, it’s like going to a party in the Hollywood Hills and when you meet someone, you find they are constantly staring over your shoulder to see the next person walking by and goddamnit, “I might miss something.” It’s all so ridiculous, right?

I might as well keep this short. Maybe I will just keep this open journal as a form of therapy and be completely open and see where that takes me. My wife asked me, “Why would anyone even care if you keep this journal?” I’m not doing it “for them.” I know I always feel better when I write it down and get it all out of my head.

I guess that’s it for now…..I think.